Funny-But-True Workplace Laws ( for MasterChief)

Posted by Wolf on 2008/7/1 4:04:17

This is mainly for MasterChief...but, I'll bet we've all run into these kinda laws where ever we've worked. Funny as hell...but, all ARE true!

If you have one or two, please post them--Wolf

MURHPY'S LAWS OF COMBAT
1. If the enemy is in range, so are you.
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
4. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
5. The problem with the easy way out is that it has already been
mined.
6. Try to look unimportant, the enemy may be low on ammo.
7. Veterans are predictable, it's the replacements that are
dangerous.
8. The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
a. when you're ready for them.
b. when you're not ready for them.
9. Teamwork is essential, it gives the enemy someone else to shoot
at.
10. If you can't remember, then the claymore anti-personnel mine IS
pointed at you.
11. The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main
attack.
12. A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow
down.
13. If your attack is going well, then it's an ambush.
14. Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
15. Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
16. If you build yourself a bunker that's tough for the enemy to get
into quickly, then you won't be able to get out of it quickly either.
17. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
18. If you're short of everything but the enemy, you're in combat.
19. When you've secured the area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
20. Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
21. Friendly fire isn't.
22. If the platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
23. Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down,
never stay awake when you can sleep.
24. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant
with a map and a compass.
25. There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
26. A grenade with a seven second fuse will always burn down in four
seconds.
27. Remember, a retreating enemy is probably just regrouping for a
counter-attack.
28. If at first you don't succeed call in an air-strike.
29. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
30. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the
General is watching.
31. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
32. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
33. A clean (and dry) set of BDU's is a magnet for mud and rain.
34. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you
are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
35. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it
away to be repaired.
36. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you
need it.
37. Interchangeable parts aren't.
38. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
39. There is no such thing as military 'intelligence'
40. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. (in
boot camp)
41. The one item you need is always in short supply.
42. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
43. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ
of the weapon's operator.
44. Airstrikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls
short.
45. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down,
the most important ones are always illegible.
46. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up killed or
wounded.
47. The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't
know what they want, but they know for certain what they DON'T want.
48. To steal information from a person is called plagarism. To steal
information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
49. The weapon that always jams when you need it the most is the M60.
50. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after
that billet is filled by some unqualified idiot.
51. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the emeny takes 2
weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy
decides to attack that night.
52. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the
Congressional Medal Of Honor.
53. A Purple Heart just goes to prove that were you smart enough to
think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and luck enough to survive.
54. The enemy never monitors your radio traffic until you broadcast
on an unsecure channel.
55. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and
grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands
at your feet.
56. As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
57. Never tell the platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
58. The seriousness of a wound is inversely proportional to the
distance to the nearest form of cover.
59. Walking point = sniper bait.
60. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where got tired of
marching that day.
61. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it
is usually a stupid solution.
62. Recoiless weapons aren't.
63. Suppressive fire works on everything but the enemy.
64. You are not Superman, but sometimes thinking you are will save
you ass!
65. Murphy was a grunt.

PS: Hey, MasterChief...am I right on these?