Re: HELP!!! URGENT!
Posted by StarChild on 2009/8/11 10:04:16
well here's my 2cents worth. first of all the pencil work is great! but there are a few things that bother me about the panels. first off on page one it appears that Jacobs is on a break i assume and relaxing by his car. but he unlocks the door and doesnt get in [at least judging by the angles and the distance the steering wheel is from him it appears that way]so either hes in the car or leaning against it. at any rate for the dead man to attack from the back then either he would have to manifest himself inside the car or through the glass window [its not really clear].
i do agree that there should be more seperation between day 1 and day 2 [had i not read your notes i would have assumed it was the same day] i would suggest for the last couple of panels on page 2 show the zombie dragging jacobs dead body away and perhaps for the last panel you could show his dangling arm either hanging out of a dumpster or his hand slightly sticking up from a shallow grave in either case i would show the car driving off in the distance or make the last panel a night scene to show that the day has ended. then you can the next days events on a fresh page eliminating any confusion.
for the scene with the two guards i would pan back on the two guards and maybe show a rear shot of zombiejacob approaching [maybe change the angle to a worms eyeview and show just zombiejacobs leg and foot]. after the one guard tells zjacob to halt i would zoom in on a closeup of zjacob's face perhaps deeply shadowed with a stoic or yet maniacal look about him [particular attention would be to his eyes]. You can add more dynamics to the last panel by changing the veiwpoint to a rearshot of the guards both being blasted in the dome [nothing like a closeup shot of brains and blood splattering out to liven up a page].
of course to make all this fit better you would have to lengthen these 3 pages to at least 4. you could add panels in the opening page of the facility where this all takes place or on day two of zombiejacob walking through the facility more so that we as the audience get a greater understanding of where this all takes place.
i do agree that there should be more seperation between day 1 and day 2 [had i not read your notes i would have assumed it was the same day] i would suggest for the last couple of panels on page 2 show the zombie dragging jacobs dead body away and perhaps for the last panel you could show his dangling arm either hanging out of a dumpster or his hand slightly sticking up from a shallow grave in either case i would show the car driving off in the distance or make the last panel a night scene to show that the day has ended. then you can the next days events on a fresh page eliminating any confusion.
for the scene with the two guards i would pan back on the two guards and maybe show a rear shot of zombiejacob approaching [maybe change the angle to a worms eyeview and show just zombiejacobs leg and foot]. after the one guard tells zjacob to halt i would zoom in on a closeup of zjacob's face perhaps deeply shadowed with a stoic or yet maniacal look about him [particular attention would be to his eyes]. You can add more dynamics to the last panel by changing the veiwpoint to a rearshot of the guards both being blasted in the dome [nothing like a closeup shot of brains and blood splattering out to liven up a page].
of course to make all this fit better you would have to lengthen these 3 pages to at least 4. you could add panels in the opening page of the facility where this all takes place or on day two of zombiejacob walking through the facility more so that we as the audience get a greater understanding of where this all takes place.
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