I am the villain of the story

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She watched it like a hawk,
She watched it like a clock.
She watched it hop just like a lop,
Under a magnifying glass.

[What was it? A mousetick!]

"Thats' the biz, sweetheart."

Remo Williams, Reigning Master of Sinanju

Thats what your momma said!

-Winterhawk to Dar and Blur and Bio and me and OCP and... well, everbody.

Quote:

She quoted me as well.

" 'Sanguine'. Hopeful. Plus -- point of interest -- it also means 'bloody'." --Zoe from Firefly

"Everybody dies, Tracey. Somebody's carrying a bullet for you right now and doesn't even know it. The trick is to die of old age before it finds you." --Mal from Firefly

I'll take a hardware store over a gun any day. Guns make you stupid. Better to fight your wars with duct tape. Duct tape makes you smart.

[to menacing body guard] Does that shirt come in men's?

-- Michael Westen; Burn Notice

[Charlie cocks his gun and points it to Lamb]
Charlie Burns: One more crack about the Irish, Mr. Lamb, and I'll shoot you. Am I clear?
Jellon Lamb: Oh, as the waters of Ennis, sir. Let us drink, then, to the Irish. No finer race of men have ever... peeled a potato.
[Charlie cocks his gun again and points it to Lamb]
Charlie Burns: Do you pray, Mr. Lamb?

--The Proposition


Major Strasser: You give him credit for too much cleverness. My impression was that he's just another blundering American.
Captain Renault: We musn't underestimate American blundering. I was with them when they blundered into Berlin in 1918.

Major Strasser: What is your nationality?
Rick: I'm a drunkard.
Captain Renault: That makes Rick a citizen of the world.

Rick: How can you close me up? On what grounds?
Captain Renault: I'm shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!
[a croupier hands Renault a pile of money]
Croupier: Your winnings, sir.
Captain Renault: [sotto voce] Oh, thank you very much.
[aloud]
Captain Renault: Everybody out at once!

--Casablanca

Bryant: They jumped a shuttle off-world, killed the crew and passengers. We found the shuttle drifting off the coast two weeks ago, so we know they're around.

Deckard: Embarrassing.

Bryant: No sir. Not Embarrassing because no one's ever going to find out they're down here. 'Cause you're gonna spot 'em and you're gonna air 'em out!

Deckard: I don't work here anymore. Give it to Holden. He's good.

Bryant: I did. He can breathe okay as long as nobody unplugs him.

Harry Callahan: Well, when an adult male is chasing a female with intent to commit rape, I shoot the bas****. That's my policy.
The Mayor: Intent? How did you establish that?
Harry Callahan: When a naked man is chasing a woman through an alley with a butcher's knife and a hard-on, I figure he isn't out collecting for the Red Cross!
[walks out of the room]
The Mayor: He's got a point.

--Dirty Harry.


Rayburn: A man can be an artist... in anything, food, whatever. It depends on how good he is at it. Creasey's art is death. He's about to paint his masterpiece.

--Man on Fire.


Chamlee: I'm sorry, friend, but there'll be no funeral.
Henry: What?
Chamlee: Oh, the grave is dug and the defunct there is as ready as the embalmers ought to make him. But there'll be no funeral.
Henry: What's the matter? Didn't I pay enough?
Chamlee: It's not a question of money. For twenty dollars, I'd plant anybody with a hoop and a holler. But the funeral is off.
Henry: Now how do you like that. I want him buried, you want him buried and if he could sit up and talk, he'd second the motion. Now that's as unanimous as you can get.
Chamlee: There's an element in town that objects.
Henry: Objects? Objects to what?
Chamlee: They say he isn't fit to be buried there.
Robert: What? In Boot Hill?
Henry: Why, there's nothing up there but murderous cutthroats and derelict old barflies, and if they ever felt exclusive brother, they're past it now.
Chamlee: I don't like it, no sir. I've always treated every man the same: just as another, future customer.
Henry: Well in that case, get that hearse rolling.
Chamlee: I can't, my driver's quit!
Robert: He's prejudiced too, huh?
Chamlee: Well, when it comes to a chance of getting his head blown off, he's downright bigoted.

Chris: You forget one thing. We took a contract.
Vin: It's sure not the kind any court would enforce.
Chris: That's just the kind you've got to keep.

--The Magnificent Seven.

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted

What's another word for thesaurus?

"You can judge a man's charactor by the quality of His enemies."

Sylvestor McCoy, the 7th Doctor

Star Wars

1. "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
2. "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
3. "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
4. "You've got something jammed in here real good."
5. "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
6. "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
7. "Sorry about the mess..."
8. "Look at the size of that thing!"
9. "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
10. "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."


The Empire Strikes Back

1. "Control, Control! You must learn control!"
2. "And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!"
3. "Possible he came in through the south entrance."
4. "I must've hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?"
5. "Hurry up, golden-rod..."
6. "That's okay, I'd like to keep it on manual control for a while."
7. "But now we must eat. Cum, good food, cumm..."
8. "There's an awful lot of moisture in here."
9. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"
10. "I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me."


Return of the Jedi

1. "Back door, huh? Good idea!"
2. "Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me - now I owe you one." (Han)
3. "Short help's better than no help at all." (Han)
4. "Grab me, Chewie. I'm slipping - hold on. Grab it, almost...you almost got it. Gently now, all right, easy, easy, hold me, Chewie. Chewie!" (Han)
5. "I assure you, Lord Vader, my men are working as fast as they can." (Jerforrod) with reply "Perhaps I can find new ways to motivate them." (Darth)
6. "If I told you half the things I've heard about this Jabba the Hutt, you'd probably short circuit." (C3PO)
7. "There is good in him, I've felt it." (Luke)
8. "Someone must've told them about my little maneuver at the battle of Taanab." (Lando)
9. "You're a jittery little thing, aren't you?" (Leia)
10. "I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master." (Emperor)

Deputy: That them shootin'?
Sheriff Langston: No, it's coming from those rocks.
Deputy: Well, let's go. He ain't hittin' nothin'.
Sheriff Langston: You idiot, he's hit everything he's aimed at!
Deputy: Well, they ain't out of our jurisdiction 'til they reach the flattop.
[Sheriff Langston's hat is shot off his head]
Sheriff Langston: Today, my jurisdiction ends here. Pick up my hat.

Jake: All I did was kiss a girl!
Emmett: They got you in jail for that?
Jake: Yeah, I kissed a girl, and this other fella didn't like it, so we had some words, and so I decided to get out of there. So I did, I got out of there. You know me, Emmett, I don't want no trouble. So, I go outside, and this fellow tries to shoot me in the back.
Emmett: You had to kill him?
Jake: No, no, I winged him. And he dropped his gun.
Emmett: They got you in jail for winging a guy?
Jake: Well... no, not exactly. Because, see, then his friend opened up on me.
Emmett: What friend is that?
Jake: The one with the shotgun.
Sheriff Langston: The DEAD one.

Cavalry Sgt.: How do I know this is your horse?
Paden: Can't you see this horse loves me?
Cavalry Sgt.: I had a gal do that to me. It didn't make her my wife.

Cobb: Let me tell you about your friend Paden. A long time ago, me, Paden, Tyree, and a couple of other fellas did a lot of riding together. On business, and business was pretty good. We moved around a lot, the way you have to in that line of work. Somewhere along the way, we picked up this dog. One of us took to feeding it, so it followed us everywhere. Well, one day we're leaving this little Missouri town, in kind of a hurry with a bunch of the locals hot on our tail. Somehow this dog got tied up with Tyree's horse. Tyree went flyin'.
[laughs]
Cobb: Well, Tyree was pretty mad when he got up, and, being Tyree, he shot the dog. Didn't kill him, though. The next thing you know, Paden's down off his horse, and he's holdin' this dog, sayin' we should go on without him. I thought he was kidding, except he wasn't. Tyree was ready to plug 'em both - all this with the posse ridin' down on us.
[Paden has entered]
Cobb: I thought we were pals after all that riding we did together. All of a sudden he's worried about some mutt. Well, we did like he asked. We left him, and he went to jail for a dog. You want to hear the funny part? Paden didn't even like that damn dog.
Paden: It evened out in the end. They locked me up; the dog sprung me.
Cobb: [laughs]
Stella: Where's the dog now?
Paden: He left me.
Cobb: C'mon, Paden... I'll buy you a drink.

--Silverado (1985)

The more hurry you are, the longest is the line ahead of you....

A traveling sales man knocks on the door of a residential home.

A 5 year old opens the door smoking a cigar and drinking scotch.

The sales man asks "Son, are your parents home?"

And the kid replies... "What the F*ck do you think?"

Subject: Attorney Hunting Regulations:

As a result of the shooting incident in South Texas, when a lawyer was
shot by the Vice President, a new set of hunting regulations regarding the
Taking and Harvesting of Attorneys will be enforced by the Texas Parks &
Wildlife Commission.

Attorney Hunting Regulations.

(Regulation 370)
Sec 370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or snake hunting
license may also hunt and harvest attorneys for recreational and sporting
(non-commercial) purposes.

Sec 370.02 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not necessary to
have a license to hunt, trap, bag, shoot or possess same.

Sec 370.03 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The
use of United States currency as bait, however, is prohibited.

Sec 370.04 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health
department inspection for rabies and vermin.

Sec 370.05 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor vehicle is
prohibited, unless such vehicle is an ambulance being driven in reverse. If
an attorney is accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead attorney
should be removed to the road side and the vehicle should proceed
immediately to the nearest car wash.

Sec 370.06 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest attorneys from a power
boat, helicopter or aircraft.

Sec 370.07 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH," "AMBULANCE," or "FREE
SCOTCH" for the purposes of trapping attorneys.

Sec 370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW,
Mercedes or Porsche dealerships except on Wednesday afternoons.

Sec 370.09 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of
courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs, country clubs, hospitals or
brothels, except on Saturdays and Sundays.

Sec 370.10 Use of any type killing device is legal including shotguns with
the choke removed, high powered rifles, handguns of any caliber, all types
and kinds of game traps and snares. Poisoning, however, is prohibited
because of the danger to rattlesnakes, coyotes and skunks.

Sec 370.11 It is unlawful to wear a disguise such as a reporter, drug
dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician,
chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.

Bag and Possession Limits, per day:

Yellow-bellied sidewinders - 2

Two-faced tortfeasors - 1

Back-stabbing divorce litigators - 3

Horn-rimmed cut-throats - 2

Minutiae-advocating dirtbags - 4

NOTE: Honest attorneys are protected under the Endangered Species Act.
Honest attorneys can be identified by their drab plumage, as they do not
wear Rolex watches, drive Porsches, BMWs or other expensive luxury
automobiles, or wear $500 shoes or $1500 suits.

Michael: I don't know anyone who could get through the day without two or three juicy rationalizations. They're more important than sex.

Sam Weber: Ah, come on. Nothing's more important than sex.

Michael: Oh yeah? Ever gone a week without a rationalization?



[At Alex's wake]
Michael: Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can't come.



Michael: [Michael enters the kitchen, sees Sarah standing in front of the open refrigerator] You know, that's the problem with these things. You have to watch them every minute.

[Takes a small carton of milk from the refrigerator]
Michael: Oh, hey, did I miss Karen and Richard?

Sarah: No, just Richard; Karen's staying for the weekend.

Michael: But not Richard?

Sarah: Went back to be with the kids.

Michael: Oohhhh, interesting. What did Richard have to say about that?

Sarah: Michael, if you're going to sleep this late, you're going to miss a few minidramas.

Michael: I just hope you'll wake me for anything really ugly.



Michael: Everyone does everything just to get laid.

Karen: Who said that? Freud?

Michael: No, I did.



Chloe: Alex and I made love the night before he died. It was fantastic.
[pause]

Nick: He went out with a bang, not a whimper.




Sam Weber: In Hollywood, I don't know who to trust. I don't know who likes me or why they even do like me.

Harold Cooper: Well you don't have that problem here.

[Sam smiles]

Harold Cooper: You know I don't like you.

Michael: Me neither.

Meg: Ditto.

--The Big Chill

You can't have an air raid without bombs!