Main Menu
Search

Advanced Search
or try google search
HM's Goodies and such
Become a Gold member!

Click Here for more Details about gold Memberships or click the Icon above to donate. Remember to include your Username with donations.
Who's Online
96 user(s) are online (40 user(s) are browsing Forum)

Members: 0
Guests: 96

more...
advertisements
Your
AD
Here!
» Sign up Today!!

Browsing this Thread:   1 Anonymous Users





Damn Funny Email
Kling on HM (WebMaster!)
Joined:
2004/7/19 7:51
From My Box
Posts: 6982
Level : 57; EXP : 79
HP : 283 / 1419
MP : 2327 / 82040
Offline
This is why you don't ask a cat hating artist to help you find your missing cat.

It is a bit long... but funny as hell!!

__________________________________________


Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.




From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.



From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.



From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.






From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.







From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.











From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say Lost.





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.



I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.



Regards, David.





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww







From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.





From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww





From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.









Hotmail has tools for the New Busy. Search, chat and e-mail from your inbox. Learn more.
This e-mail, including any attached files, may contain confidential and privileged information for the sole use of the intended recipient. Any review, use, distribution, or disclosure by others is strictly prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient (or authorized to receive information for the intended recipient), please contact the sender by reply e-mail and delete all copies of this message.

Posted on: 2 07 10 10:36 am
_________________
I'm not drunk...... I'm Scottish!
Yeah OK, I am Drunk...
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Guardian of the Great White North (Webmaster)
Joined:
2003/8/17 10:44
From Canada
Posts: 6812
Level : 57; EXP : 32
HP : 281 / 1408
MP : 2270 / 85153
Offline


Good stuff. I wish we could see the posters as they progressed.

Posted on: 2 07 10 11:11 am
_________________
PS4, PS3, Vita PSN: Winterhawk200
X-Box one Gamertag: Winterhawk200
WII U: Winterhawk200

Driver picks the music, shoutgun shuts their cakehole.
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Kling on HM (WebMaster!)
Joined:
2004/7/19 7:51
From My Box
Posts: 6982
Level : 57; EXP : 79
HP : 283 / 1419
MP : 2327 / 82040
Offline
Man, this cracks me up... especially the "lost" one.

Quote:
...it is possible you might get a better cat out of this.


Freaking classic!!!!

Posted on: 2 07 10 10:44 pm
_________________
I'm not drunk...... I'm Scottish!
Yeah OK, I am Drunk...
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Guardian of the Great White North (Webmaster)
Joined:
2003/8/17 10:44
From Canada
Posts: 6812
Level : 57; EXP : 32
HP : 281 / 1408
MP : 2270 / 85153
Offline
hey the posters are there now. when I read this at work they were not there. much funnier with pictures.

Posted on: 3 07 10 01:20 am
_________________
PS4, PS3, Vita PSN: Winterhawk200
X-Box one Gamertag: Winterhawk200
WII U: Winterhawk200

Driver picks the music, shoutgun shuts their cakehole.
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
deluded narcissist guru (Whateverator)
Joined:
2004/7/6 10:28
Posts: 2723
Level : 41; EXP : 53
HP : 0 / 1013
MP : 907 / 58649
Offline
Funnier than hell! I love the bit about adding wheels to animals

Posted on: 3 07 10 07:20 am
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Criminal Mastermind
Joined:
2005/1/4 16:43
From St. Petersburg, FL
Posts: 1743
Level : 35; EXP : 5
HP : 0 / 851
MP : 581 / 48028
Offline
Where did you get this, it's insanely hilarious.

Posted on: 3 07 10 06:57 pm
_________________
Art is what happens when you learn to dream. Go ahead. Dream a little. - LRH, Atlantis Squarepantis.
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Herald
Joined:
2003/8/26 22:16
From halfway between limbo and purgatory
Posts: 1177
Level : 29; EXP : 95
HP : 0 / 723
MP : 392 / 43718
Offline
OMFG I literally LOL'd at this. I was near tears toward the end of the email cuz it was so damned funny.

Posted on: 4 07 10 01:02 am
_________________
Broaden your horizons, eat interesting people.
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Kling on HM (WebMaster!)
Joined:
2004/7/19 7:51
From My Box
Posts: 6982
Level : 57; EXP : 79
HP : 283 / 1419
MP : 2327 / 82040
Offline
DP, I was sent this as an email from a friend. I HAD to share it.

Posted on: 6 07 10 10:59 am
_________________
I'm not drunk...... I'm Scottish!
Yeah OK, I am Drunk...
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Comon! This is hilirious! :DD

Posted on: 13 07 10 01:42 pm
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Moderator
Joined:
2006/7/18 19:52
From United States
Posts: 6363
Level : 56; EXP : 3
HP : 275 / 1375
MP : 2121 / 71451
Offline
Thanks, JR! That was great!!

Posted on: 21 07 10 11:25 pm
Create PDF from Post Print


Re: Damn Funny Email
Bat Junkie...and who took my meds???
Joined:
2003/8/18 13:31
From Mexico City (we don't wear hats)
Posts: 2619
Level : 40; EXP : 93
HP : 0 / 998
MP : 873 / 60359
Offline
This reminds me of some clients I have

Posted on: 22 07 10 10:24 am
_________________
Create PDF from Post Print







Post Reply
Account*
Name   Password   Login
Message:*


You cannot start a new topic.
You can view topic.
You cannot reply to posts.
You cannot edit your posts.
You cannot delete your posts.
You cannot add new polls.
You cannot vote in polls.
You cannot attach files to posts.
You cannot post without approval.

[Advanced Search]


»
»
»