OCP.

This movie was on last night....

"Well they're not moon burns, goddamnit."

Anyone???

Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

The husband says, "WHAT??"

The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond
ear rings.

The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out -- but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."

The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register."

The husband says, "No, no, no, honey we're not going to buy all this stuff." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while." Her face gets really mad and she is about to explode and the Husband says,
"You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a Man!!!"

You fill in the blanks!!!

You fill in the blanks!!!



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948

"HHmmm...bullet through the head? Yeah, I'd consider that one dead, Sherriff."

A wonderful Summer Holiday Song for you all!

Quote:

Close Encounters?

Tarzan and Jane were expecting their fourth child and were pretty strapped for cash, so Tarzan decided to go into the used-crocodile
business. Monday morning he got up early, shaved, put on his best loin cloth, swung down to the river, and spent the whole day

fighting, haggling over and hassling with cranky crocs. As dusk fell, wan Tarzan swung back to the tree house and demanded, "Quick, Jane, a martini!"

Tossing it back he barked, "Another, Jane, on the double!" Gulping it down, he held out his glass again. "One more, Jane."

"Aw, honey, don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?" she chided gently.

"You don't understand, Jane... it's a jungle out there."

Quote:

You are correct sir! But of course you knew that you were correct... that is why you didn't freak out when I forgot I posted that and never replied.


Quote:




This could be our last night on Earth. You don't want to die a virgin, do you?

Quote:

Why is he putting glasses on ontop of glasses?

A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says, "If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?" The Barkeep says "Depends on how good of a trick it is."

The Drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a frog and places him behind the piano. The frog starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard. He pours the drunk his drink.

The drunk, after killing his drink says, "If I show you another trick can I have another free one?" The barkeep says "If it is anything like that last one, you can drink free all night." The drunk reaches into his other pocket, pulls out a rat, sets it on top of the piano, and the rat starts scatting along with the frog."

Impressed, the barkeeper starts to pour drinks as fast as the drunk can drink 'em. After several hours, a big time Hollywood agent walks in, sees the act and franticaly asks the barkeeper who it belongs to. The barkeeper points to the drunk who is passed out on the floor.

The agent wakes him up and says, "I will give you 1 Million dollars for that act." The drunks says "not for sale". The agent says, "Ok, 100 grand for just the scating rat." The drunk say, "deal" The agent writes the check and leaves with the rat.

The barkeeper looks at the drunk and says, "Are you nuts? You had a Million dollar act that you just broke up for a whimpy 100 g's?"

The Drunk says, "Relax, the frog is a vantriliqist"

Sign on door of refrigerator in company lunchroom:

"Whoever drinks my last can of RedBull had better know how to run to the Un-Employment Office."

Gosh, you've... really got some nice toys here.

Quote:

And I still want to know why H is putting on glasses over glasses!

YYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

--Lee Harvey Oswald wasn't a male model.

--You're goddamn right he wasn't, but the two lookers who capped Kennedy from the Grassy Knoll sure as shit were!

1. Cats do what they want, when they want.
2. They rarely listen to you.
3. They're totally unpredictable.
4. They whine when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play they want to be left alone.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They expect you to cater to their every whim.
8. They're moody.
9. They leave their hair everywhere.
10. They drive you nuts.

Conclusion?

Cats are little, tiny women in really cheap fur coats

Quote:

Damn you!!!!!!!!!!

Wise sayings:

"Some people are like slinkies. Totally useless, but they bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs."

"That which does not kill me makes me more like Chuck Norris."

A pirate walks into a bar with a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants.

The bartender says "Hey, You have a ships wheel attached your pants!

Arrrgh I know, said the pirate, it's driving me nuts.