"Diplomats! The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank."--Scotty

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"$#*t" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

1) The check is in the mail

2) I'll still respect you in the morning

3) We WILL be releasing the "Wonder Woman" movie this year

Not very sporting to fire on an unarmed opponent. I thought you were supposed to be good. Aren't you the "good" man? C'mon, Deckard. Show me what you're made of.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE LATE?!!!"

The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.
- Albert Einstein

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar instantly exploded because no building can contain that level of awesomeness.

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That must be what happens when I go anywhere.

Reasons why regular cars are far superior than Formula One racing cars

No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft!

No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head.

No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to.

No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while.

No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other.

No ashtrays and electric lighter...

No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain?

No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand.

No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass?

No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time.

Only one brake light...

Only one seat... How can a guy go necking with his girlfriend at the local drive in?

No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first?

No trunk...

No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well)

High fuel consumption...

Engines that don't last...

Tyres that just wear off in no time flat...

Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started.

No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes. Talk about accidents waiting to happen

"If at first you don't succeed...try a bigger bribe!"
--'Bopper' Wilson

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It reminds me of HypnoToad




"We're on a mission from God. "

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It works in spanish too!!!!

RoboGeisha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wo-gGes6qig

FRIED SHRIMP!!!

I love how the building bled!
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"It'd been two presidential elections since I'd had a boner like that."