Aghorishaivite wrote:

For English Damsel on DA,

Warning- The following story is comedic, dramatic, and outright bizarre.

Penelope needed a break from Brittan. She needed a break from the rest of the world, for that matter. Where could she go? She scouted some locations that were open. There were many islands left unoccupied and unowned.

That's the ticket, she thought. Following her instincts, she found an isolated island that was relatively huge and went there. She told no one about the island. All details would be kept a mystery, whether it was what ocean the island was located in or even the countries it could be close to. Her plan for a week vacation could finally work.

Penelope was surprised the island had no population or even military interest. At the same time, she wasn't one to complain. Here, she could get away from the rest of the world, forget about all of her past perils and have what could seem like a normal evening.

Unfortunately, a normal evening always proved to be impossible for Penelope the English Damsel.

While resting on the shore and playing in the water, Penelope couldn't believe her eyes when she looked up at the sky. Screeching loudly in the sky was a strange and large flying ship. Nothing about the ship reminded Penelope of any air or spacecraft she had ever seen. It was huge with a black shiny exterior. Penelope reasoned that the vessel must have stealth qualities but chose to stay visible at the moment. Maybe the captain controlling the ship thought the island would be a safe spot with no witnesses.

The ship stopped to land on the center of the remote island Penelope was on, merely less than a mile away from her in a small forest of palm trees.

"I knew this was too good to be true," Penelope said out loud as she got up from her spot on the beach. She couldn't just ignore the strange aircraft. Even with the adventures that she had survived in the past, she wasn't the type to jump to the farthest conclusions like aliens or strange creatures. Perhaps the ship was a secret military vessel? Her curiosity urged her to find out.

Penelope moved carefully through the forest of palm trees. Only a few yards away from the ship, she hid behind a big rock and some trees, looking cautiously. Out of the ship came a small army of humanoid robots with guns and screens for faces, looking around carefully.

Following behind the robots was a human male in a military outfit. Perhaps this would confirm Penelope's suspicions- the ship could have very well been a military vessel. Still, the robots and the ship were of a technology Penelope was not familiar with and even the man's uniform didn't look too conventional. There was a weird red "C" on his hat that shined with a faint light that seemed slightly malevolent and aggressive to Penelope for some reason. He had weird badges on his arm that didn't look like any traditional military badge Penelope had seen. The man looked like he could have been past his middle age but quite healthy, his eyes concealed with shades.

Penelope automatically found herself not trusting this enigmatic military man.

The man looked at one of the robots nearby him. "I believe we've reached the year I was aiming for this time, war drone 975?"

War drone. Penelope didn't like that robotic term.

"Yes, sir, in what seems to be an alternate mirror dimension of Earth," the war drone confirmed with an electronic voice. "2012."

"Good!" The strange military man grinned. "A year that was filled with apocalyptic fear only to remain relatively uneventful. Never mind what was- I plan on making 2012 the most war ridden and horrific year imaginable! I will accomplish what pseudo-scientists and conspiracy theorists wanted but could not get- a real end of the world as they know it!"

"You can do it, sir," War Drone 975 confirmed. "There is a lot of global hostility in this time period."

Penelope felt weird looking at the robot. It appeared as if the thing had it's own personality and mannerisms. Did they really come from the future?

"All my life I've wanted a real war." The man reached up behind his shades and rubbed one of his eyes with a handkerchief. "Now the day is finally here."

Penelope was shocked. No, this was not the day. This couldn't happen!

"You there!" an electronic voice said behind Penelope.

Penelope looked up to see three war drones pointing guns at her.

"Stand up with your hands up," one of the drones said.

Penelope complied with the order. Damn, she thought, you've really done it this time.

The drones walked Penelope over to their human leader.

"What's this?" the military man said with astonishment. "I thought this island was uninhabited? We didn't read her on our computers?

"You didn't feel a need to order us to scan the island, sir," Drone 975 explained. "We only comply to your orders."

The man nodded. "Yes, yes... you've got me there, 975." Walking closer to Penelope, he looked her up and down. "State your name, soldier."

"None of your business," Penelope said snidely. "I'm no damn soldier and I doubt that you're really one either."

"Ooooh," the man taunted with a smile. "Snappy. I like that."

Penelope sneered as she looked down at the ground, away from the strange man.

The man gritted his teeth venomously. "Well then, civilian- allow me to tell you who I am. I am Colonel Cruel. Believe me, I live up to that name. You can see that first hand when I turn your world into my own personal barbeque."

"You can't do that!" Penelope screamed.

"Why can't I? Isn't war the natural order of things?"

Penelope gritted her teeth. "It's people like you who make war necessary in the first place."

Colonel Cruel stepped forward and looked the woman in the eye. "Yes. You're right about that. It's an honor to do so." Colonel Cruel held out his hand to one of the drones. "Drone 517. Transformo device."

517 handed it to Cruel, appearing a bit shocked. "Toon's controller? It's still got a few kinks, sir."

Cruel growled. "I'm aware of that."

Penelope became startled as she attempted to run. Two drones grabbed her and held her tight in their metallic hands.

"What are you going to do to me?"

"Sorry, miss," Cruel said as he held up the device. "I was willing to make you into one of my obedient war drones and have you share in the pleasures of war with me! Just think- you and I could have toasted the true end of the world and prevented my time- a time of weakness, peace, love and fluffy ideas like that- blah!"

Penelope shook her head. "You're crazy. You want to end a future like that?"

The Colonel laughed. "Oh, so that sounds like a good idea to you? A happy love world with no war, no global conflicts, no passion? Well, allow me to bring your pleasant fantasies to life, pinko. Ha, Pinko! Get it? I think that's a great new name for you."

Before Penelope could protest, she felt a strong ray hit her from Cruel's transformo device. It felt strange and tingly as the other drones backed off. Soon, she couldn't move her lips, her body's control lost as she felt as stiff as a statue.

The transformo ray was doing it's work, causing a change in Penelope's body that she couldn't understand. She couldn't see her skin turning white or her hair becoming more multicolored. Little did she notice her clothes become some weird caricature of their original design, filled with cartoonish colors and adorned with pom pom buttons on the front. Her collar was now ruffled and her feet were just as white as the rest of her flesh had become, the nails a bright cotton candy pink.

Penelope could notice her nose had become a bit full and bulbous though. Her sense of smell had become intense and she could have swore that she could smell her skin carrying an aroma similar to candy.

Colonel Cruel dropped the controller in excitement. "Well, what do you know? A Mont E. Cartoon device was worth purchasing, after all!" Walking behind Penelope, he looked the woman up and down cautiously. "The loon wasn't kidding when he said it would transform my enemies into whatever I wished! I may enjoy this..."

Penelope could say nothing. Her face was forced into a seemingly pleasant and jovial position. Her eyes were alive and bouncing with light. Even her lips were inviting. In her right hand was a balloon that mocked her with loud, bright letters, "Love not war!" There was even an additional balloon for her in her other hand, just in case she could free herself to blow it up later, but Cruel would make sure she would never have that possibility...

Cruel walked behind Penelope and positioned her like a mannequin. "Just think- Pinko the clown! Friend to all peace loving saps in a world of war and destruction. I would have let you stand next to me, you foolish twit. Side by side with a new drone brain and body I would have provided you. I would have even given you your own personality, specially designed by me! Oh well... perhaps this is a more fitting end for you."

Cruel grinned as he looked to Penelope's side. "What do you know- even the little red button I dreamed up is right there!" Cruel pressed a red button on Penelope's hip. A weird mechanical voice sounded as she waved back and forth, her eyes and nose flashing in lights. "Make war, not love! Make war, not love! Make war, not love!"

Cruel rubbed a hand on the woman's face, admiring her new humiliating features with a chuckle. Looking to the drones, he sighed as he assumed a more serious look. "I've wasted enough time here. We'll set up base tonight. In the morning, we'll hack some missile sites in a few countries and make it look like they're attacking each other. That should get everyone really revved up."

As Cruel and his drones got to work, Penelope was left on the outside of the ship, chanting her new motto without an attentive audience.